The First Auditions...

Monday October 16...

Right now I'm feeling as if I have officially gotten in over my head. Keeping what I need to do straight in my head is a difficult task without life, and now I feel as thought I have compounded my problems. 30 minutes doesn't seem that long when you watch it on a screen, but organizing a production, any production is a long and hard task. So today I have been hiding (not something I have a lot of time for). There is just a line that you have to maintain. Humans are creatures of fury, and doing and creating, but they are also creatures of talking and laughing and walking around with nowhere to go. There are many layers to a brain and a heart and they all have to be dealt with.

The first auditions were Saturday and Sunday. Saturday was hard because we got a lot of no-shows. I was also very nervous as I have never been to an actual audition, and have been known to have problems with theater in general. It was really good that Brad was there because he has been to auditions, and has even performed in some plays, so he helped put my mind at ease and offered some suggestions about how to conduct them. We started with a chat to make them feel comfortable, and to get a little contextual information about them. Then I had them run through some lines cold. We would run through a scene a few times and then we would discuss the character, what they wanted and how they were trying to get it through these words. I think I was able to glean a lot of information about the actors, but wonder about the things I missed, and about versatile the actors were (meaning that I felt they were capable of a versatility that I wasn't finding.)

There are two really strange things about auditions. First is that they are competitive, but in a really strange way. It is not like you can beat someone at an audition. It is really about finding the kind of expression that the director is looking for. In sports for example, the competition is quantitative, their worth being judged by how man points you score, how fast you run etc. But auditions are a kind of qualitative competition. There is no way to know before hand what the director wants, and no way of really preparing. You go in, you talk, and either you are what they were looking for or not. This type of judgment is rare, especially when you deal with humans. As an artist you are always making qualitative judgments about the elements of your medium (color, timbre, motion etc.) but I am not used to making these judgments about people. In my personal life I am all about people just being who they are and not asking them to change.

That being said, I really like directing. The emotional transference, and play are cathartic. As actors and directors we are allowed to be emotional beings in a very safe place. No one will judge you or hurt you on a set because it is the actors job to be an emotional being and the directors job to help them through that. Which brings me to the second strange part about auditions, saying goodbye.

All of these auditions were very intense and emotional. I got a lot of feeling from everyone that walked through that door. As we moved through the scenes, we were able to build, usually to an apex of feeling. There was a lot of screaming, and a lot of whimpering. Sometimes it got so intense that me and Brad had to laugh just to release some tension. As a director you bring people to these auditions and you ask them to be performative with their emotions. In the real world that would presuppose some kind of intimacy. So as the auditions came to a close, with all of these feeling being thrown around, how can you tell someone to leave so that you and your partner can talk about what you've just seen, and discuss how well that person will fit into the production? So when the actors left, I felt a little deflated...

So that was the auditions....

I know that this is extremely long but I am just going to write a few lines about the plan of attack from here. The plan now is to decompress from the first auditions. It's sort of like 52 card pickup – except there isn't 52 cards. So we have to figure out what worked, what we can salvage, and what we need to add. It is also important to do some callbacks this weekend and see of there is anything with these people that I have missed.

After that, we need a scene breakdown first, then a shot breakdown. I also have to get in contact with the (hopefully) art director to set her in motion... We have to start work on the animation (which will be done mostly in After Effects instead of physical replacement animation). That needs to be started three weeks from now after the 1^st shoot. Hopefully after that begins everything else should be on a downhill, and easier ie. less time consuming.