Thoughts, and moving to phase 2

We had the second auditions and callbacks this weekend. I am not sure what to say except we locked down two more parts. But I just got done talking to our potential lead actress, and she unfortunately had to decline. The script is hard, about hard times, about a time when I was having trouble with the other gender. I understand that the female characters in almost everything I write are either hollow, scary, or idealized. I also understand that this is the way that women are portrayed in most of the dominant media culture, and it is our mission to change that. I want someone in that part that can be dynamic enough to explore those themes. I want the characters to be challenged in this movie the way we are in real life, by dynamic people, with things they need to sort out and things they need. But this is a tall order.

I understand why exploring that is something she wouldn't want to do.

So what are we to do then? We are still on our search for someone who can do that, and someone who can compliment her.

A few people have told me that I should think about playing the lead myself. He is based on me after all. I am not entirely opposed to the idea either, it's just that I'm over my head right now, and adding another complicated and new task to the agenda isn't really appealing. But as it is congealing in my mind I find it oddly comforting. This could be an opportunity to really find out some things about myself, a way to really push myself and the artistic process into another level of reality.

This movie is about me remembering my life and idealizing it. This movie is a way to deconstruct that.

I had a thought today that we all lead two lives; a material life and a symbolic life. I realized today that my symbolic life is the inspiration of my art thus far and that this project is another page turning in that exploration.